A Different Kind of Love - is it true?

This article really tore at me. It's called "Adoption - A Different Kind of Love" and was featured in the Sydney Morning Herald yesterday. It's really well written with no judgements or assumptions made that I can see.

Nevertheless, if you're like me and do not yet have your adopted child (still waiting) it might make you worry.

I've always been a nurture (vs. nature) person and my husband is the same. All of the conversations we have had with each other and with friends and family have been to educate them and us on the importance of not looking at our adopted child in a 'different' way, that they should be treated the same as biological kiddos and therefore just as wanted. The alternative, for us, is unacceptable and we have always been of the mindset that our child will be our child in the full sense of the word. That biological doesn't have a part to play and that it's not going to make any difference anyhow.

These parents in the article, and there are many examples, have been very honest about their feelings towards their bio and their adopted children.

Some are painfully honest (wonder how their kids feel/would feel about reading this??) about how their bio kids are 'more loved' and they would do anything/feel more for the bio kids and not so much in the same way for the Adopted kids. Ouch!







Other parents state how they don't feel the difference at all. They see their kids as their kids, regardless of how they came to their family.

The main difference, from my perspective, can only be in how the parents are wired. Let me explain. We are all different, have different upbringings ourselves, different parenting techniques were what brought us up, we have different ways of approaching human relationships, romantic relationships, how we treat strangers as opposed to how we treat people we know, and whether we take more than we give most of the time or the opposite. All of these subtle historical events (and more) that shape who we are right now, have a part to play in how we then go on to treat our own kiddos and what we teach them. Not that one set of people is "better" than the other, or more deserving of children. We are not clones and therefore can't be expected to have the same life perspectives.

It's difficult to get across the length and breadth of what I am trying to say here (so I hope I'm making a little sense) but my theory on why there differing reactions to our adoptive children is just the above. We are all wired differently, make different and often subconscious choices about how we will approach life. Hence, we have different reactions to the same or similar situations.

I'm open to suggestions and keen to read and talk about all sides of the story but I still can't see that there is one definitive answer to this question of nature vs. nurture.

Now if I could just get my comments link to work so you *could* respond then we could have a great discussion!

Kim
Waiting 17 months for our baby Anytime now, I hope.

Lottie. The most adorable puppy girl in the world.

I may come off sounding a little demented here. Don't mean to, but ... I'm in LOVE :)

Scott has nothing to fear from this as he's in love too.


We love Lottie! Lottie is our 12 week old female Havanese puppy. She's the most adorable bundle of fur and affection that we've ever met.

Lottie arrived by plane last Thursday and in six days she has become a major part of our lives. She sleeps with us, she snuggles with us, gets carried around everywhere, gives kisses and plays til she drops. She ADORES Josh (our 6 yr old border collie boy) to the point where she is his constant shadow. Her little tail just wags non-stop with glee the moment she spots him.

From the first night with us, she has slept in our bed, right between us, or on our heads (yep, ON our heads), snuggled up to Scott's back or just under my chin with her paw on my face(that just melts me). Never once has she cried at night and she has the sunniest disposition you could ever expect in a baby dog. And she IS our baby, in the true sense of the word.

Lottie's a tiny little thing, although she doesn't look it in her photos being so fluffy and all. She has the most delicate of bone structure which gives you the impression that she needs to be handled with kid gloves.

I spent the first 3 days with knots in my tummy worrying that she would hurt herself, be upset by the long day she spent flying here to us (not on the best plane connections either), worrying if she's missing her siblings and a host of other things ... now, we're just enjoying being enamoured of her and watching her funny little antics, accepting and giving tonnes of cuddles and playing on the floor with her constantly. I actually spent the majority of today playing with her and then wondered where the time went!

Ok, I just realised that this might seem to you that we might be downplaying our existing love for Josh, our border collie, BUT it really doesn't. We adore Josh too the same way that parents love all their kids (these ARE our kids). He tends to be more independent these days, being 6 yrs old and all, and is coping really well with having a puppy 20 times smaller than himself at his heels for a large part of the day. We've started to hold Lottie back from Josh at times as she really is quite enthusiastic about him. He gets his own walks, just like usual, and without Lottie.

I've been reading about the Havanese breed over the past 2 years after seeing a picture of a Havanese puppy in 'Women's Day' magazine. Many a time I've called different breeders on the mainland (there are none in Tasmania and these dogs are quite rare and hard to get ahold of, females especially) to ask about temperament and character. We wanted a dog that was smaller, one who adores kids for when our own human kid comes along sometime in the future, someone that would be non-threatening for Josh and non-shedding.

About non-shedding ... this is a wonderful thing and the main reason Lottie can sleep happily in our bed. She really doesn't shed hair at all! She smells very un-dog-like, more like flowers actually. She doesn't bark or yap except for one (sweet little puppy) bark if she wants to get your attention (or more like Josh's attention) and that's rare in itself.

So here's some more pics of our beautiful baby ...

EeeBee Baby. The newest craze for babies.

http://www.eebee.com

Stumbling around the internet, as I do, I came across eebee.com.

It seems to be quite the hit with babies as young as 4 months all the way up to toddlers and involves older siblings, parents and grandparents in the interactive play, singing, exploring, creating. Using household items, the funny little character, Eebee (pictured above), does everything a real baby does, interacts with other babies, sings with his mummy and his nanny and has fun learning things the baby way.

I've order the three DVD's for our future child .. can't wait to watch them for myself and, going by the feedback from other parents, they should be a big hit with our babe too!

If you'd like to see a short sample of what you'll find on the DVD, click here and on the left side, at the top, under the logo you'll see a circle with "Play Video".

Perspective on Teen "Affluenza" by World Vision.

Snuggly Hooded Winter Jacket

My lovely mother-in-law has been knitting furiously in preparation for our baby/toddler. Even though we are some time away from a referral.

I got the idea about a jacket like this from a girlfriend of mine, Prue, who wears these thick woolly hooded jackets with wooden toggles all the time throughout our chilly winter months here in Tassie.

She's done such a fabulous job of the little jackets that she's now made five in total (finishes them in a day or two!), two for us and three for my girlfriends who have all recently had their babies.

Am I becoming a house-frau?

For those of you who know me well, you'll know I don't cook. Not that I *can't* cook. Just that I choose not to. Lucky for me, I can continue to eat because Scott does the cooking. And MAN, can that boy cook!

These last couple of months however have seen a shift in my kitchen activity. I've discovered a great site that I have been religiously trying recipes from. It's called VegWeb and it's fab full of ideas for vegetarians like us. These people are serious about their cooking and best of all, the recipes don't require unobtainable ingredients like the root of a Native American bean plant or freshly-milked-just-an-hour-ago goats milk.

Years ago, pre-vegetarian state, I wouldn't have touched a red kidney bean with a pole at a hundred paces let alone eaten silken tofu or tried soy milk. These days I know better. They're not so scary - the ingredients I mean, although vegans (def: they eat nothing that comes from anything with a face) can be scary at times.

Vegetarian food, I've discovered, isn't just lentil pies and unpalatable tofu stirfry. The recipes include a myriad of herbs and spices cleverly combined to create a delectable and highly edible and interesting range of dinner menus. Added to that fact, is the other fact that these tasty, high protein meals digest rather quicker than a hunking bit of meaty steak.

It really does make a difference in how you feel after you've eaten. No longer stuffed to the gills, you find you need less to make you feel 'full' and you have more room for chocolate after.

Ha. That's my secret. Damn, now it's out, isn't it.

This week's recipes:

Olive & Rosemary Bread (my absolute fave bread ever - so tasty and fragrant)
3 cups plain flour
¾ tablespoon of bread improver
2 tsp sugar
1 tsp salt
1 sachet (8g) instant dried yeast
¼ cup olive oil
1 ¼ cups luke warm water
1/3 cup pitted black olives, roughly chopped
2 tablespoons fresh rosemary spikes/leaves
2 tsp coarse salt extra.

Combine flour sugar yeast and salt in a bowl and pour the water and oil into a well in the centre. Stir to combine ‘til it comes together and turn out and knead for 4-5 minutes. Place in a lightly greased bowl, cover with cling wrap and stand in a warm place for an hour or until doubled in size. Inch it back and knead again for a few minutes and form into a rough rectangle on a tray lined with baking paper. Stud the olives and rosemary over the top and leave to prove for 30 minutes. Brush the top with a little oil, sprinkle the extra salt on top and bake at 220°C (fanforced) for about 15 minutes or until golden on top.

Spinach Artichoke Dip

Ingredients (use vegan versions):

1 package of organic frozen spinach
1 small onion
1 clove of garlic
1/3 to 1/2 red pepper (depending on taste)
1 and 1/2 16 oz packages vegan cream vegan cheese (Tofutti is good)
1/2 cup vegan mozzarella ( chopped and shredded)
3 to 5 artichoke hearts
dash of garlic pepper

Directions:

Defrost and drain the spinach well. Saute the chopped garlic clove, chopped onion, and chopped red pepper in a pan. Chop up the artichoke hearts. Mix all ingredients together.

Place in an oven safe dish or hollow out some pumpernickel bread and place inside. Bake on 325 for 15-20 minutes.

Note: the more vegan mozzarella you use the longer it needs to bake in order to get the vegan cheese to bake. Alter the amounts of vegan cheese depending on what you prefer.

Tom Yum (Thai Tofu, Coconut and Lemongrass Soup)

Ingredients (use vegan versions):

1 1/2 pints vegetable stock
14oz coconut milk (tinned is fine)
3 tablespoon chopped coriander
1 large onion chopped
3 cloves garlic crushed
1 or two fresh chillies chopped and deseeded
1 tablespoon groundnut oil
250g tofu cut into half inch cubes
2 stalks lemon grass peeled and bashed
8oz tomatoes (tinned is fine)
half a cup dry Thai jasmine rice, cooked

Directions:

Place rice in rice cooker (or just cook rice). Place cubed tofu on a lightly oiled baking pan and bake in a medium oven for 20-30 minutes, turning occasionally.

Meanwhile, sauté onion, garlic, lemon grass and chillies in oil until onion is cooked through. Add tomatoes, stock and coconut milk, bring to light boil and then simmer. When tofu is cooked, (it should be a bit dried out and maybe starting to brown a little), remove from oven.

Fish out the lemon grass stalks and discard. If you have a handheld blender, whizz the soup until smooth (optional). Then add the tofu and coriander.

Spoon some rice into a bowl and top with the tom yum and serve.


Wild mushroom polenta

Ingredients (use vegan versions):

1/2 cup Portobello mushrooms, chopped coarsely
1/2 cup Oyster mushrooms, chopped coarsely
1/2 cup Shiitake mushrooms, chopped coarsely
1/4 cup dried Porcini mushrooms
1 cup medium ground yellow corn meal (polenta - yellow stuff)
4 cups vegetable stock, warmed up
1 clove garlic, minced
1 shallot, chopped finely
2 tablespoon olive oil
Sprig of parseley and thyme, chopped finely.
Salt & Pepper

Directions:

Soaked dried porcini in 1/2 cup hot water for 5 mins. Saute shallot and garlic in large med. deep pan with olive oil over medium heat. Grind peppercorn over the pan. Add mushrooms and toss in parseley and thyme. Cook mushrooms until liquid has evaporated. Add salt. Add 2 cups of stock to the pan, then pour corn meal slowly while stirring. Once corn meal is evenly mixed, continue stirring for 10 minutes. Add more stock if necessary. Salt and pepper to taste. Remove from the heat and transfer mixture into a shallow cake pan. Bake in 375F pre-heated oven for 5 minutes until the surface feels crusty. Remove and serve in small squares. Note: Polenta can be refrigerated up to 5 days. Best served with salad. Bon appetit!!

Keeping our kids safe.

http://www.pollyklaas.org/safe/pdf/PKF_SK_2005_all24pages.pdf

I found this document tonight while I was wandering around a Thai forum that I frequent.

It gives lots of useful ways to teach our children to be safe from people who would seek to do them harm. It's actually titled "Child Safety Kit - Teach Abduction Prevention without scaring your child (or yourself!).

It has a lot of useful tips in there to keep them safe in all sorts of situations - from being lost in a supermarket or other public area, what to do if they're lost, eluding potential 'predators', who to talk to and who not to talk to and how to identify 'safe' people.

I thought it was very relevant considering the alternative. Often it is something that we think just won't happen to us, or our kids, and that this sort of thing only happens to others. Consider the possibility that it *does* happen to you.

Wouldn't you rather educate your child to limit the possibility? I definitely will :)

Metro Dad.

This evening in my blog wandering state, I stumbled blindly across Metro Dad.

Oh dear. What a guy. He warrants a whole plethora of Emmy Awards for his wit. I want to give him endless standing ovations for his prose, his 2.5 year old bi-polar Peanut, stories about a neighbourhood child and endless, endless wet-your-pants humour.

Enuf said. Over to you Metro Dad.

Nappy-free baby.

Scott and I are big supporters of the need to research all of the different ways of doing things before we make a decision ourselves about what we consider to be the 'right way' for us. It is this habit that led me to an interesting site about how to have a Nappy-free baby.

I found it very interesting to read about this little known & rarely practiced way to be rid of nappies, right from the baby's very first day in the world and the thoughts behind why it is done.

The author of the website poses the thought that "right from birth (babies) have a natural awareness of when they eliminate - hence babies who pee as soon as their nappy comes off. They want to eliminate away from their bodies, and try to let us know to help them."

Using this technique alongside of baby sign language to teach the baby what sign to use when they need to go wees or poos, the author of the website had her little man using the potty independently at 16 months old. Pretty amazing considering many children won't potty train until they are between 24 & 36 months old.

I'm intrigued!

Milk Men.

Ok. So here's something a little left of centre. Did you know that men can breastfeed babies too?

(very elongated pause)

Want to see a video? Have I piqued your curiosity?

Watch the video.